I'll tell you something that's been occupying my thoughts quite a lot lately, and Elder Awerkamp could tell you this too because I talked to him a lot about it because I trust him probably more than any other companion I've had. (Bytheway, he told me he's coming to see and understand the inspiration and wisdom of the Lord in putting our companionship together because of how much we learn from each other and how similar we are). So to my thought: I've been thinking an awful lot about humility.
I don't understand it. It has to do a lot with, a couple weeks back, how both my pair of shoes got holes on the same day. I bought one pair of waterproof shoes for 15€ the very next p-day so that I'd have time to look for a nice pair I'd like, and I've been very pleased with the cheap pair, they're still holding up three or so weeks later, although with some wear. Elder Awerkamp and I went last p-day to get me a sweet pair of shoes and I still haven't been able to decide what I want because I've been thinking about the Savior's example. in modern terms, he was born in a barn! Someone could simply think that's quite unfortunate, but that's how it was meant to be! For the Son of God! The Angel asked Nephi if he understood the condescension of God, and that's something I know I don't completely understand. And so I've gotten myself into this huge internal struggle trying to figure who I should be, who I want to be, especially since I'll be back home looking for a marriage partner soon. I don't understand how I should want a very good-looking wife and yet expect myself to be a very humble person in appearance as well as character. D&C 88:40 teaches, in one way of looking at it, that any characteristics I am looking for in a spouse I need to have too. So I don't understand that... Right now I also don't understand the difference between proud vanity and divine/godly beauty. The Celestial room and actually every room of a temple is very very beautiful and classy looking... but like in Helaman3:36 it was the exceedlingly great riches and prosperity of the people that caused exceedlingly great pride. I don't want to be prideful. I really don't want to be prideful, but I don't understand how "humble" the Lord wants me to LOOK. Does he want me to look ugly? I don't know what kind of clothes the Savior wore, but Isaiah says he had "no beauty that we should desire him"... I don't understand it.
love,
~Elder Standring
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